Happy 26th Birthday! We remember you on this special day. Mommy still always talks about you. How we all wished you stayed with us longer but God has a perfect plan for you — to be our eternal angel.
Papa and Mommy prayed for a baby boy and it was you. But we never got to hold you. Mommy took care of you in her womb for seven months but you left so soon. Mommy misses you. She always prays for you. You should have met your younger sister. You’re the Kuya she never had.
You’ll always be our baby boy. And in heaven you’ve found goos company with God’s angels. I’m sure you and Papa are happily watching over us. Please continue to guide us especially our newest baby girl. I think you’re always playing with your niece because she’s such a happy and smart baby.
It has been almost three years since I last sang with this world-renowned group.
That’s me on the right side wearing a blue skirt. 2007 European Tour, Prague, Czech Republic concert. Taken from www.philippinemadrigalsingers.com
And as I was rummaging youtube to get ideas for a choral arrangement I’m supposed to do, I found this:
I would like you to hear this beautiful song that has been my favorite ever since. It’s included in our 2005 Sony Music-released inspirational album, Acclamation where I was part of. This is not the whole song, there’s a second verse to it. Entire text below:
Sa Iyong mga Yapak
Words and Music: Jose Cerino, Jr.
Arranged by: Sam Guerrero
Landas na Kay Tinik sa Iyo’y Inilaan Bawa’t Hakbang nito’y dusa’t hirap ang laman Sa kalooban ng Ama nagpasakop kang ganap Buhay Mo O Hesus ang siyang alay na sapat
Laban sa Agos ng mundo, Lumakad ka sa landas Mo Laban sa Lakad ng Mundo, Landas na sa ‘ki’y nais Mo
Sa Iyong mga yapak, ako ay tatahak Kahit tigib ng luha ang nilakaran Mong landas
Pasakit man at dusa dulot ng mundo’y kamtan Bawat bakas ng Iyong mga yapak Bawat hakbang Mo’y aking susundan
Kay hirap Mang gawin kalooban Mo’y tupdin Pinili kong sundan bakas ng ‘Yong mga Hakbang Ang buhay ko’y laan sa Iyo kailanpaman Maglilingkod sa’Yo Panginoon hanggang wakas
Amidst all the tension that has happened in the world, I do hope this song would remind us to continue following God’s path and trust His ways. Hope this will be one of your Lenten song reflections.
I miss singing and touring. Now, off to bed. Ooops, I have work to do!
Since there is no 31st of the month, I now declare Aria is six months today! Therefore, it’s time to start her on foods other than my breast milk.
I decided to start her with rice porridge. We had the rice ground in powder form and cooked a little just for her to taste. She took three teaspoons of it and didn’t want to stop!
She's too excited that she wants to hold the spoon by herself
We also tried giving her water to wash off the porridge. She didn’t like it that much, so I gave her breast milk again. And while we’re having lunch, I tried giving her two drops of sinigang soup with my finger. She liked it as well.
The bare necessities: Soft spoon, bowl with cover, and feeding cup with spout
I also tried giving her milk in the cup. She did not like it. Nothing beats Mommy’s breast, I guess. But she has to learn drinking from it eventually.
Posing for the camera. She only played with the spout and the milk splattered all over her chin
We’ll try the rice porridge twice a day for a month, and increase the servings gradually. We’ll also add other veggies and fruits next week. I will try not to succumb to that cereal box and bottled fruit purees.
Weaning the baby into solids is a challenge. This is a good start to introducing you baby into food other than human milk.
Matapos ang siyam na buwang parang nakalunok ako ng pakwan, simula na ng pinakamahalagang yugto sa buhay ng babae: ang maging ina.
Left: Hours old. Right: Four months.
Mga Natutunan:
Manganak.
Inaaral ba yun? Kahit ilang birthing classes pa siguro ang puntahan ko (and for the record, wala akong pinuntahan dahil mahal), iba pa rin kapag nariyan ka na sa delivery room. Kinaya kong manganak ng walang anesthesia (para makatipid), tiniis ko ang labor pains para lang maging normal delivery. At binigay naman yun ng Panginoon at sobra-sobra pa. Pareho kaming malusog na lumabas ng ospital ng anak ko.
Mag-alaga ng bata.
Kasama riyan ang magpaligo, magpalit ng damit at diapers, magbuhat, maghele, makipaglaro. Dati takot ako. As in takot. Pero habang lumilipas ang mga araw, linggo, buwan, dumadali na pala. Malamang, lumalaki siya e. Keri to, ‘teh!
Magtiis.
Jobless. Harang-less. Caffeine-less. Social life-less. Pasyal-less. Kailangang magtiis para sa ikabubuti ng bata. Minsan hindi na ako nakakakain, nakakapagbanyo, nakakatutbras kasi gusto ng batang nakabitbit matapos kumain at para makatulog ng mahaba-haba. Ayaw kasi magpaistorbo.
Magpasensya.
Lalo na pag hirap magpatulog ng bata. At pag umiiyak. Hulaan kung anong gusto niya – gutom ba siya, madumi ang diapers, inaantok, naiinitan, giniginaw, bored, etc.
Manghingi ng tulong.
Noong bata ka, kanino ka nagpapatulong sa homework? Di ba sa nanay mo? Lalo na ngayong may anak na akong sarili, sa nanay ko pa rin ako tumatakbo para tumulong sa pag-aalaga ng bata, at magpaturo sa kanya ng mga dapat gawin.
Mag-adjust.
Hindi na ikaw ang masusunod. Ang baby na na hindi pa naman nakakapgsalita. She’s the boss.
Mag-improvise.
Minsan, gumawa kami ng duyan gamit ang shawl ko at ikinabit sa crib para hindi na mahirapan magbuhat. Gupit dito, tahi doon, tinadtad ng packing tape ang mobile para maikabit sa scrap na tubo, at higit sa lahat, mag-scotch tape ng parol sa may pinto para titigan ng baby pampatulog. Epektib!
Magtanong ng magtanong ng magtanong. At malito.
Maraming nanay, maraming opinyon. Nakakalito kung minsan. Pero natutunan ko rin ang magtiwala sa sarili, sa instinct. So far, wala namang masamang nangyari sa anak ko.
Magpakain gamit ang dibdib (in short, magbreastfeed).
Isa lang ang masasabi ko, WOW! Hindi ko sukat akalaing kaya kong magbreastfeed. Sabi ng iba, masakit, mahirap, matutuyuan ka ng gatas, pero malaki ang pananampalataya kong lahat ng nanganak may gatas. So, go, therefore, and breastfeed.
Magpuri at magpasalamat.
Salamat sa Panginoon at lahat ito’y naranasan ko. Dati, naririnig ko iba’t ibang kwento ng mga nanay – yung mga nakunan, nanakawan ng anak, hindi magkaanak, at namatayan ng anak. Natakot ako, pero naniwala akong ibibigay si Aria ng Diyos dahil may misyon din siya sa mundo. At yan ang dapat niyang madiskubre sa kanyang paglaki. Kaming mga magulang niya aalalay, gagabay, aalagaan siya habang bata. At gusto namin siyang palakihing may takot sa Diyos.
Happiest New Year from the Macanayas and Alcantaras!
Aria’s now four months old. Time flew so fast. She’s reached many milestones earlier that we expected. She can roll over both sides, shriek, hum as if she’s singing, talk as if she wants to say something, and yes, she caught a Christmas cold. I’ve brought her to Christmas parties here and there, and once she smiles or coos at someone, she instantly receives a Christmas gift. Good girl!
But I still have not watched a movie, or a concert, or at least have one alone time. At least I was able to sing twice at church and conduct my children’s choir again. Everyone’s scared to take care of the baby without me because she might cry for food anytime. Yes, four months of breastfeeding her exclusively, no bottle, not even expressed breast milk (except when I tried it out three months ago, after which, I felt guilty). Imagine if we were giving her formula, we would have spent P4,000 a month plus all the efforts in putting it in the bottle. Celebrate!
There were also a lot of singing engagements that I turned down, and still turning down more engagements. I don’t know when will I return to my usual self. All I know is that I will live this unusual life with my little toothless smiley face (who, by the way, is sleeping like a log this morning!).
So, I introduce to you, yours truly, the Queen of all envy!
Like this weekend, I will miss my two favorite choirs in concert. My husband knew I want to watch those concerts. He offered to take care of the little one and leave a stash of milk in the freezer. I didn’t know what to say.
Anyway, please do me a favor and watch these concerts. They’re all good.
The Ateneo Chamber Singers will share the stage with the Gaia Philarmonic Choir from Japan and SYC Ensemble Singers in TATLO: A Choral Celebration on January 8 at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. My husband is a pioneer member of the ACS since its inception in 2001 and has sung for the festival when it was first held in Singapore in 2006. Visit www.threefestival.com for more details.
The Philippine Madrigal Singers will be featured in a concert of Sal Malaki and Kit Viguilla-Navarro, both Madz Alumni on January 8 and 9 at the Philamlife Auditorium. I was fortunate to have sung with the group for five years and was part of the batch that have won competitions in Spain, France and Italy. Visit www.philippinemadrigalsingers.com or their Facebook fan page for more details.
Now I wish that concert halls would have sound-proof areas for breastfeeding mommies like me so that while we watch, our little ones can also listen to these wonderful music. Wishful thinking.
Wow, I can’t believe it. We actually “dated” again after two months!
Except, of course, there’s someone who wanted to join in.
Yup, she will be with Mommy all the time
So off we went to eat buffet at Dad’s Glorietta a day after our wedding anniversary. We heard mass the night before at the church where we got married. Since we don’t have a “yaya,” we need to plan on how to eat buffet while taking care of the little one.
I gave Aria full feeding before leaving home, just to be sure she won’t ask for food while we were eating. My husband and I took turns on getting food and looking after the baby, who was just sitting in her stroller after a nap while in the cab.
This was his only reason for eating hereWe can never eat at the same time while at home. Now is our one chance to do so
She did ask for food, however, when we were finished eating (good girl!). Of course, I came prepared.
We nurse everywhere - even in the cab
It was also our first time to use the changing station to change her diaper. My, I never imagined I’d use one!
Then it’s off to the baby section to buy her some clothes. She is getting bigger, so we needed to update her wardrobe. And yes, we nursed again after shopping! The mall’s breastfeeding station is located at the fourth floor, so, the salesladies gladly offered us a small corner and a chair because Aria was crying for food already.
It was a tiring but fun day for the Schatzifamily. And this anniversary is extra special because we have our little angel, Aria, to celebrate it with us. Here’s to more anniversaries!
Happy Second Anniversary! Since I wasn’t able to buy you a card, let this post tell you how happy I am today.
This day, two years ago, we woke up early and got married. This day, last year, we woke up early again (should I say, we did not sleep) to catch an early morning flight to Hong Kong. Today, we woke up a few times during the night and early morning, this time to change diapers and feed the little one.
Time flew so fast.
I am happy because I wake up each day seeing you and Aria. Though the past two months gave us sleepless nights, droopy eyes, and aching bodies, it also gave us loads of patience and sacrifice. We are newbies in this career. And we have to admit, nothing beats the reward Aria gives us – that toothless but charming smile.
I am happy because you have been a good provider. I know how hard it is for you now that I assume the role of a full-time mom. We are just so blessed because God never left our side. Let’s just keep trusting His ways.
I am happy because you love your family and mine. You also never fail to share what you have and know to other people. Soon, our daughter will make music with us, or probably she will be your uke. I know you can’t wait for that to happen.
It has been a good two years so far. We’ve traveled, sang, laughed together. Now we work together to become good parents to our firstborn.
I shall never cease to praise and thank Him for this gift of marriage and family. I love you and Aria very much. You both inspire me to be a better wife and mother.
It has been two months since I became a mother. It all came suddenly, as she came out two weeks ahead of schedule.
I did not want to admit this at first. But yes, I am having postpartum depression.
What I thought was just baby blues at first blew into hours and days of sudden crying, missing the busy life I had before pregnancy, and feeling sad being a captive of the condo unit and of my daughter. I don’t know how to take care of this newborn. Giving her a bath was scary. Breastfeeding my daughter became a 24 hour job. Carrying her tiny body was like carrying a priceless crystal glass you’d never want to break.
My then operatic repertoire was overtaken by endless nursery rhymes, Brahms’ Wiegenlied, and funny silly rhymes I can’t imagine I have composed just to make her calm and sleep. It’s as if I can’t do anything else except attend to her needs. I felt can’t even eat, take a bath, dress up, or pee. I’d just look at the clock and let time pass, only to find out that another day is coming ahead. It even came to a point that I feel my husband is not supporting me at all. Of course, he must work.
If only I could go out and bring my baby along, though it’s a tad too early for the little one. I turned down a lot of work already and it saddens me. I only attended one Mass in two months (thanks to television masses I’ve caught up on other Sundays). I fear that I will not be able to get back to the career I was just trying to build.
Simply put, I don’t know how to become a mother.
But I love Aria. She is a joy to watch. She is like a little girl who seems to want to talk already, very attentive and smart, and she rewards you with a sweet smile. She may cry loud at times and hushing her down seems to be a challenge. But I’m up for it, especially when I’m singing for her. Most of all, she’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. And we’re blessed that she came out normal and healthy.
There. I’ve let it all out. Now, time to smile and become a mom.
It still hasn’t dawned to me yet. Motherhood, that is. I quickly transformed from busy career woman into household slave. My newest boss, the six-pounder I carried for nine months.
Two days before D-day, clueless that she's not arriving on a September
Let the pain remain, or not
From the time I knew I was pregnant, I’ve been looking forward to a normal delivery. I had a good reason for this: it would hurt my husband’s wallet much less. Physical pain was another story.
But with a low-lying placenta diagnosed on my fifth month ultrasound, I was doomed. Good thing, it went into perfect birthing position on the last trimester and lo, I got what I wished for. I even opted for an anesthesia-less labor, if only to shout out to my husband that he did a great job taking care of me during the past nine months, accompanying me to every single pre-natal visit until labor time.
My, I never thought I had that much tolerance to pain! I almost give in to the very tempting epidural when it was just an hour or two before showtime. My mind is focused on giving the best push so we won’t go CS. And I was very cooperative, listening and following every direction given out by my doctor, while my husband held my hand and cheered all the way.
So she was born. She is the most beautiful thing that happened in our almost two years of marriage. She is the best thing God gave me, our contribution to mankind. And she was born on August 31st.
The miracle of life
Bring on the breast
I never thought breastfeeding could be very exhausting! Much more than birthing itself, breastfeeding gave me only three or four hours of sleep each day, with those hours spread throughout one day. I would just pass the day sitting down and waiting for feeding cues from my baby, sometimes forgetting to eat, drink and pee. I can’t even poo in peace because here she is again after a few minutes, crying shyly for food.
It also made me a captive of our condo unit. I’ve been waking up and sleeping with the sight, sound, and smog of Manila for the past month. I haven’t gone out except for two hospital visits – the week and the month after.
I don’t know when this will end. I can simply end this by giving in to formula feeding. I would, at times, be discouraged to continue breastfeeding, especially when I think of going back to the usual lifestyle I had – work, church, and more work. But I know I should not.
One thing’s for sure, I’ve given my daughter the best gift – my breasts.
As they say, breast is best
The month after
Much have happened, much have been said and done. And much have changed with the way I see things.
First, that motherhood is the best career any woman can have. Just taking care of the household and the children says it all.
Second, without previous experience or diploma to show, you become a mother just like that. The past month was hard, especially the first week. I was forced to learn how to bathe, breastfeed, change diapers and clothes, carry her very fragile body and soothe her when she’s crying, check 24/7 if the baby is doing fine (as almost all she did was sleep in the first weeks), make sure that every nook and cranny of the room is clean.
Finally, you can’t do it alone, even if you’re a superwoman. Of course you can’t make a child, unless Immaculate Conception would still happen after the Blessed Virgin, but you get to share this wonderful experience with the one person you truly love. And while you’re at it, you should have family and friends to assist you being a novice mom.
It’s fun. It’s hard. It’s parenting someone who came from inside of me, flesh and all. She is God’s greatest gift to us, and I am just so happy and humbled to experience all of this. This is just the beginning of a new stage in my life.
